21 May I’m ready

After all the spiritual and emotional work I’ve done these last few weeks, I’ve earned the right to drop a Valium. I did just that last night and I don’t regret it a bit. The Surgery Center awaits.

For those of us still reliant (if judiciously) on Western medicine, living in Santa Cruz can be tough. After all, this is ground zero for woo woo-ness. I suspect there are more alternative health care providers in Santa Cruz per square mile than almost anywhere else. A masseuse is probably living next door. Acupuncturists? A dime a dozen. There’s a chiropractor on every corner, not to mention the homeopathic doctors, hypnotherapists, naturopaths, craniosacral therapists, reiki energy healers, and psychics lurking behind every tree.

It’s easy to laugh. The flowing, formless Indian print skirts are so central casting. The soulful sound of Native American drums, the smell of sage and lavender, the walls decorated with Tibetan peace flags, and the calm countenance of the “airhead” practitioner are all easy marks for theSaturday Night Live sketch artist. They are so mockable while the guys in the white coats (the medical kind, not the psychiatric variety) are so damn clean and reasonable.

I’m from the East Coast. I understand. But in the last few weeks my fear drove me to experience many of these modalities (as they are so officiously referred) for the first time and I am better, stronger and wiser for it. I arrived at the appointments with my patina of skepticism and my bullshit meter hidden in my purse. With each “cleansing breath” it collected data to be analyzed later.

Well, time has passes. The data has been examined. The day has arrive and I am ready. My body is oddly calm this morning, sans Valium. The hot coals of my fear seem to have dissipated. In 3 hours, J and I will get in the car and head for the Surgery Center. I may or may not pop a Valium between now and then. But, if I do I will do it knowing that it is not to calm my spirit, for my spirit is clean and clear. I am running from nothing, hiding from nothing. I am ready. Yes, I am ready.

Thank you all.